relationship builder

1. Those who generally have an angry attitude toward life – Regarding unhealthy relationships, it is important to remember we will never rise beyond our associations. The environment of our lives is determined largely by the people we surround ourselves with. This is true when it comes to spending a lot of time with angry people. It is amazing how contagious anger can be.

In the spring of 1894, the Baltimore Orioles came to Boston to play a routine baseball game. But what happened that day was anything but routine. The Orioles’ John McGraw got into a fight with the Boston third baseman. Within minutes all the players from both teams had joined in the brawl. The warfare quickly spread to the grandstands. Among the fans the conflict went from bad to worse. Someone set fire to the stands and the entire ballpark burned to the ground. Not only that, but the fire spread to 107 other Boston buildings as well.

Proverbs 22:24 says, “Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious— don’t get infected.” There are folks that are constantly critical and angry most of the time. Not only are they exhausting to be around, but you will find yourself being infected by their anger.

2. Those who often gossip about others – Unhealthy relationships can also be characterized by those who have a habit of gossiping about others. Something I have realized is that folks, who gossip to me about others, are probably gossiping about me to others. John Maxwell says, “You never display your character more clearly than when you speak about the character of others.”

Continue to develop and nurture friendships with those you hear speaking words of encouragement about others.

3. Those who remind you of your past failures – Another key characteristic of unhealthy relationships are those who attempt to keep you in the past. When people remind you of your failures, it is an attempt to keep the “upper hand” in the relationship. People do this because of their own insecurities.

You’re not going to change one single whisper that’s taken place in the yesterdays of your life! Regardless of your past, tomorrow is a clean slate! God does not oversee or manage your past. God has no plans or designs for your yesterdays. But, He is actively designing your future. He does have a purpose for your tomorrows. Surround yourself with those who remind you of God’s purpose for your life.

4. Those who manipulate – Webster’s definition of manipulation is, “to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.” The essence of manipulation is to attempt to get people to do what you want, regardless if it’s in their best interest.

Being controlled and manipulated is a horrible feeling. It strips away your fundamental sense of value and worth. Those who attempt to manipulate you are making a statement of your worth, as well as the value they place on your relationship.

Making friends that bring you life

If you place a hot poker near the heat of a fire, it too becomes hot. To succeed in relationships we need to follow the same principle. Surround yourself with great men and women. Remove your unhealthy relationships and begin to foster the type of friendships that empower your life. True friendship doesn’t happen by coming into a relationship thinking about what you’re going to get – you will only “get” disappointment. Great relationships are only created by giving!

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